Reflections…..

It’s been a long time coming, but the time is now at hand. The time to reflect on my life, reflect on me.
To live forty seven years is a blessing, many never get close, but with the outcomes I’ve had, this calls for a praise! In forty seven years I’ve never once had a broken bone, been in a serious car accident, had any major surgeries, been in trouble, been molested or raped; I still have both my parents and all my sisters and brothers. I’ve lost some nieces and nephews, yet God has still continued to bless. Dreams??? Oh I have them, a few I’ve relinquished, but for the most part- they’re coming true. February 9 I will complete my last class to earn my Bachelors of Science in Computer Information Systems. Two days later, my only child will become an adult. I couldn’t be more proud of her. She has given me no problems and I thank God for the ‘helps’ he sent me in the form of ‘father figures’ for her.  Thank you Jesus!!!!  I know I’m going to miss her being around, and I’m really not the type to be alone, but that’s something I am capable of ‘fixing’.  Love. Ahhh, love. So much I can say about it. It’s beautiful. It’s energizing. Wonderful.  But it’s also heart-wrenching, heavy, painful- when you’re in it alone.   I don’t know why my heart will not do as other’s hearts, and love at will, but then again, I’m glad it won’t.  I don’t have time for playing at ‘love’. I don’t, I just really don’t.  This heart of mine…God gave it to me, He made me the way I am, and I know it’s all for a good reason. It hurts sometimes, but one day…..one day.  For someone I’m being prepped, taught, how to truly love….(lucky guy)…I just hope I’m just as blessed with his love.  You might ask me if I ever get tired…..’are you serious?’ would be my response… who doesn’t get tired of giving, giving, giving, giving….and always being last on people’s ‘list’.  Who doesn’t? Are you serious???’  I would love to be able to go back to being the person I used to be….    but I can’t. He brought me from it for a purpose, His purpose, and I will continue to embrace it for as long as I need to.  Anyways……..     as my daughter heads off to her life as an adult, I will be renewing my life……. I have written in pencil my plans, and I’ve given Him the eraser….I just want to be what and who He wants me to be……. not my will, but His will be done.   That’s my plan and I’m sticking to it.
Life is good. Love is wonderful. I’m full of life and full of love. Something GOOD is going to happen!….and it’s going to be just WONDERFUL.

I Don't Know Much...

I don’t have the greatest looks, But I don’t look down on those less fortunate. I eat too much so I don’t have a whittled waist, But I share whatever I have with whoever needs. I don’t have my own transportation, I walk to and fro, But I’ll run ‘your errands’ if you’re unable to. I’m not seen as a ‘keeper’ or a great catch, But if you’re truly my friend, then I’ll have your back. I don’t have perky breasts and toned arms, But I do have the kindest heart you could ever know. I’m not made of stone- I hurt, get jealous, and cry, But I do so because of my capacity to care. I don’t know if I will ever experience being loved, But I have the comfort of knowing I loved. I don’t know if I will ever be a man’s priority, put first,  I’m not sure that I’ve ever really mattered at all...... I love too deep, care too much, forgive too easily and try too hard, I don’t know how after all the hurts, disappointments, rejections, betrayals and setbacks that I’m still able to...... I don’t know that much- But what I do know is Jesus loves me, And I’m sure HE will always see and honor my worth.