Tuesday, December 27, 2011

And I Waited




When I fell in love with you, I put all my fears aside
I gave you my best
I gave you my all
And I waited
You put me on hold while you searched for another
You hurt me with words
You hurt me with deeds
You thought it was all fun
It’s what you needed to do
Find someone right for you
Someone better than me
And I waited
Your calls became less frequent
The tone of your voice hardened
I asked you to be honest with me
And just tell me the truth
You just toyed with my feelings
And played with my mind
You couldn’t make your mind up
You weren’t sure about me
There might be someone else
Who you’ll find
Someone better than me
Rejected and bereft
I didn’t know what to do
Didn’t know what to think
I watched as they did the exact thing I did that annoyed you so completely
Yet it was ok  with you
Guess  your annoyance with it had only to do with me
With my heart in pieces
My self-esteem crushed
Tears streaming down my face
I prayed it would end
Prayed you wouldn’t matter so much
They built up your ego
Read the same words that I’d read
It does not matter to them though
‘cause they’re doing the same
“I don’t want this LORD, please take this from me” was my prayer
You kept on doing
No thought about me
I cried and I cried
My tears would not stop flowing
Even my sleep offered me no reprieve
My pillow would tell the story in the A.M.
And I waited
Hoping you would see me
Yet knowing you didn’t want to
Praying for your love
You respect and consideration
Hoping you would one day be interested in love
All the while realizing you already were
You just weren’t interested in mine


You called the other day
Not sure how I made it through the short call
It didn’t matter anyway cause someone more important needed your attention
So you hung up the phone with I’ll call you back
Guess life and death depended on it
Cause you forgot I exist
As the tears swelled up in my eyes once again
My heart beat a dull beat
It’s tired of the abuse
It’s tired of the games
I still love you dearly
I’m not trying to replace you
I ‘m just trying not to die
It never mattered before that I loved you
Why should it matter now
I can’t be your friend
I will not offer excuses
I gave you all I am
In return you gave me nothing
I know one day my heart will have healed and someone will come along
Who will love me as I deserve
I pray my heart will not have hardened
And I can give him what you didn’t deserve
But that day is perhaps long off
So here I stand
Waiting




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