The Wait.

2024. Just a few hours more and you'd make your appearance.  Whether I was feeling some kind of way about that was oddly for some reason unknown. See, 2023, decided to deal me a hard blow in the 9th hour,  one I'd have no choice but to try and recover from in the new year. And I wasn't looking forward to it. I mean  who wants to start a new year already sinking? I sure didn't.  But truth was, as disappointing as that would be, it  didn't come as a surprise. 

So now we wait. 

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I Decided

 

I decided to take the first step,

To leave my fears and doubts,

I decided to chase my dreams,

And see what life is all about.

 

I decided to face the unknown,

And not let my doubts control me,

I decided to take a leap of faith,

And set my spirit free.

 

I decided to take a chance,

And not to play it safe,

I decided to live my life,

And not let time go to waste.

 

I decided to be my true self,

And not to hide my light,

I decided to follow my heart,

And make my dreams take flight.

 

I decided to be persistent,

And not to let the setbacks bring me down,

I decided to hold on to my vision,

And to wear my crown.

 

I decided to believe in myself,

And not to listen to the naysayers,

I decided to make my dreams come true,

And to be a true player.

 

I decided to follow my passion,

And let it guide me through,

I decided to make my dream reality,

And to see my life brand new.

 

I decided to be true to myself,

And to follow my dream,

I decided to make my own path,

And to let my passions gleam.

Dawning of a New Era

Hi! I know I haven't been in a while but I have a few things I want to talk about. Has anybody realize what's really going on? I mean things would never get back the way they were and to be truthful in some aspects do we really want them to? Right now employees have the power to turn things around in a lot of these businesses that have been running with less than stellar integrity for a while now. The pushback is there however at the end of the day the people have the last say. There's so much to unpack here but I just want to talk about a couple of things one being interviewing and the second being how people are treated on the job. Let's talk about interviewing. If you ever did any job search you know the job duties are longer than the day is bright. Pay however is lower than what they're asking for or they don't even show it to you. Telling you it's comparable. Comparable to what? Minimum wage? Fast food? Comparable to what exactly? Add insult to injury, but the price of everything skyrocketing everything except workers wages that is, these employers have the unmitigated call to want you to have some type of loyalty to them as if they are special and however done anything for you. They want you to go into their positions not worried about what they going to pay you. What strange about that to me is these are supposedly human beings that are asking this of you. It's if they are there because of anything other than money as well. Just goes to show what just up tiny tiny bit of authority will do to your head. Then let's talk about how people are treated on a job. It's like once you get us there and I did say us I'm included in this thing everything you said in that interview to get us in there goes out the door. Suddenly money becomes tight sales are slow or whatever their pitching or saying so that no bonuses raises and stuff like that can be given. Now the employee is supposed to just accept that? I mean we get it, if things get tight they get tight but guess what if they're tight for you they're tired of us. Because while you're getting less as you say profits in, rent electricity gas etc is taking more profit in from us. Something's got to give. It used to be for a while because of that scenario there people would have to stay in a company but not anymore. Enter COVID-19 2020 which uncovered and unmasked a lot of these companies. You can kind of say loyalty to any company now it's not existent. People have been there for years worked hard putting over time neglected family and anything else including health to help grow this company or just tossed out like it was nothing not even an afterthought. Not that that there that was one of the biggest eye openers I think for everyone. Going from thinking that you are important or special to realizing your absolutely nothing and eyes of these companies. And the shadow of that realization brought about lots and lots and lots of new businesses, entrepreneurs, retirements, just people thinking and doing differently. I don't know what people are going to do and buy people I mean businesses, but I know that might want to shape up. Things will never be the way they used to be in many ways. The way I see it no the way many are seeing it you can pay for what you want or you can sink. And that includes all companies. After all if people don't have money to spend how are you going to survive, businesses? Might want to take it over. Anyway in a who I just wanted to say that I was renting a bit just sitting here thinking about stuff that's going on and wow I'm amazed at how agreed can blind so thoroughly.

Evening Musings

When you find your feelings don't matter,
Look within
When the only problem 'is you',
Look within

If you love someone,  you protect their emotions.  When you won't...
Guess though its me. I care more,  give more than anyone who's ever 'cared about me.
I protect. Nurture. Uplift. Support.
Why do I keep doing it. What's it going to take for me to learn 'love don't love me'.
Friends. Family. Relationship. I'm the one,  the only one willing,  and expected to compromise. I give 'it has to work for us both'. I get 'it works for me,  deal with it'.
These tears that fall I despise.
I should know by now. Should expect nothing different.  But I'm too stubborn to quit,  because I know who I am. I know what I deserve.  So I cling to fading hope that somewhere out there is someone like me,   looking for me.
I work out my own remedy. In time,  it won't hurt any more.
Its easy to forgive but the scars remain.
Too stubborn to quit,  too wounded to keep going
Funny how people make light of what affects you...

No Way of Knowing

No way of knowing I'd be caught up this way
No way of knowing this love would be so strong
Keeping me smiling
All butterflies inside
I gave you my name
You gave me your number
Now seven months later we're inseparable, our bond hard to break
I want you and you want me
The yearnings inside us so hard to deny
Laughing at your jokes, you laughing at mine
Serious vibes here babe, when your lips touch mine
No way of knowing we'd be together so strong
No way we'd of known our love would take flight
And sooner than later you'd make me your wife
No way of knowing we'd be caught up this way
But this day proclaiming our love's here to stay

She Listens...

Every word. Every syllable. Pronunciation and intonation. She listens carefully.

Killing her softly. Steadily. Breaking her heart in two.

Forcing herself to ‘feel good’. Swallowing her pride. Pretending it don’t matter.

Your words. Your actions. Your attention. Its like you’re body’s there with her, but your mind....

She wonders if you ever think of her, the way she thinks of you. She wonders why you do the things you do when it’s obvious you don’t care.

Why won’t people be honest? Why won’t they let their intentions be known? Instead holding hostage a heart that beats on hope, a hope they’ll never fulfill.

So many people hurting because of words not said. So many cowards throwing the rocks then hiding their hands- behinds questions they’ll never answer, words they’ll never say

It doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t have to, dear friend.

Another waits in the shadows. Ready to stake his claim. Yet you keep her heart prisoner of your foolish selfish games.

Just A Dream

Is this how its supposed to be?
Is this all there is?
Is everything I hoped for-
lived for-
Is it only just a dream?

I don't know how much time is left.
I don't know how much I've got.
So with each breath that's given me
I'll press on; too stubborn to stop.

Is this how its supposed to be?
Is this all there is?
Is everything I hoped for-
waited for-
Is it only just a dream?

A little farther down the road
A little progress made
Then around the bend
Over the hill
Back farther than I started

Is this how its supposed to be?
Is this all there is?
Is everything I hoped for-
prayed for-
Is it only just a dream?

It Was Written On the Walls

It was written on the wall that day; written for all to see. Subtle innuendos, disrespect, distaste for me. Big red letters, scrawled in blood- from others’ bleeding hearts. It was written on the wall, you see, the truth of who you were. And all could see and all could read, that is, everyone but me.

But now my eyes are opened. I see you for who you are. Yet even though I know the truth, my heart refuses to adhere to my directives. “He means you no good”, I scold. “Lock him out and throw away the key”, I beg, “read the writing on the wall!” But the more I admonish the more it opens...... but I wonder- “Why?”

When....

It was written on the wall that day; written for all to see. That is, everyone- but me.

Told You...

I told you it would turn out that way.
I told you it would end.
I told you that they’d never stay.
I told you about your ‘friends’.
And now that they’ve all left camp. Now that all you had is gone.
Now that all your money’s spent, and they've left you all alone..
It’s me you see in your rear view. It’s me you want to call ‘home’.
But I’ve moved on.
I’ve had a change of heart.
Unavailable to you.
Ohh, I know it hurts, trust me I do.
You’ll be just fine. Just give it time.
I know- I am -because I had to.
But I told you it would turn out that way.
I told you it would end.
I told you that they’d never stay.
You know I told you about your ‘friends’......

And Often I Wonder..."When?"

Right now, just left, and soon just became now
Time is on time, someway somehow
When 'wait' is never ending
then 'waited' has ended
When does "still waiting' have its end

Each second that passes, each minute along
I'm aware of my mortality, my 'swan song'
What will it be, and when will it come?
Because 'right now' just left, and soon is hurrying on.
'Wait' becomes 'waiting', and 'waited' has gone.

Dreams and desires showcased, in my everyday actions
Disappointments, delays highlighted, leaving just fractions
Of time remaining, of life still sustaining
When 'wait' become 'waiting', and 'waited' has fainted.

And often I wonder,
I just wonder,
And I ponder,
When?

The Only Thing Missing is You

Everything is in order. Set in motion on purpose.
The job, the house, the car,..vacations...
I've planned my life from little, putting things in order.
Strengthened by trials. Lessons learned. Lessons taught.
Some came and went. Some still around.
You know I start the dream job next week- Systems Analyst in that engineering firm.
Promotion chances are great I hear- I plan to stick around.
Broke ground two days ago on that nice lot we talked about some time ago.
Blueprints approved. Everything in order. Everything's a 'go'.
Just like I imagined, just like we dreamed.
One day you and I are gonna' 'run this thing'.....
And now....
The only thing missing
Is you.